im jealous & ungrateful

and i cant help it.
no one ever reads this thing, so i dont care that im going to rant like a teenie.
so yesterday i went to see aly & aj.
and i left the show early to get in line for the m&g until i was told by like 5 different people running the thing that it was only keke signing for the public.
aly & aj and drew seeley were private m&gs.
now i dont know if they were right or not.
cuase i saw people with pictures with drew & aly & aj.
but maybe they had passes to get unto the private m&g?!
but i dont know for sure.
and its tearing me up.
because what if those people were wrong!?
its such a stupid and juvinale thing to complain about but i cant help it.

everyone always seems to get more them me.
i know i have NO right to complain but im going to anyway.
i never get into the private m&gs cause i dont have the 'ins'
and i never get front row because i dont have the 'ins'
and it drives me crazy that the same people get it over and over.
and its not like its just with one band.
its with many.

so if anyone has powers to get me backstage at any show it would be much appreciated.

im done being a selfish child.
sorry for that.

weighing me down...

i hate when my mom brings up weight.
i just dont want to talk about it.
rule 1-never EVER talk about weigh with someone unless they bring it up first
rule 2-if you DO bring up weight, talk about your own.
my mom didnt get the memo.
its obvious i need to loose like 60 pounds.
but i dont feel the constant need to talk about it.
if i eat a cupcake...TOO BAD imma eat the dang cupcake!
i remember when i lost a bunch of weigh, sure i looked great.
but i dont know if i was truly happy.
i was always finding yet another thing wrong with my body.
i HATED feeling so absorbed into the whole weight thing.
whatever i weighed, i could always loose just 10 more pounds or 5 more...
it never ever stopped...well until i went on vaca and came back 15 pounds heavier.
and then i just kept gaining cause of my conditions and my meds and all.
i will loose the weight when im ready.
whenever someone brings it up, it just makes me more mad
and stubborn. its just the way i work.
im not the type of girl who can just stop eating.
im sorry, but my body or my mind cant handle that.
i would like to branch more on that subject, but not on a public post.
maybe i should start a journal.
who knows.

im too young,
im too happy
to be worrying about this stuff.

life is like a rollercoaster

sometimes it goes too fast.

and sometimes i just cant write it all down.
things have been really good,
i mean i could literally sit here for the next 3 hours and write every highlight from the last time i wrote, but that would be ridiculous. so i'll just remember the good things in my head....

while my dad yells at me right now.
about college.
helloooooo incase you dont remember COLLEGE IS LIKE 2 YEARS AWAY.
dont fight with me now,
my mind might change by next week.
let me be.
aklsjkfjaksfjakl.



ookay i have to go get ready for the choir concert...
BUM BIDDY BUM.....

dolly parton is my IDOL!

too much too do and not enough time

so i now have this new obsession with stacey london.
you may know her from what not to wear.
i freaking love that show!
well her new show fashionably late premiers tonight!
wooo.
i've decided once i loose about 60 lbs. (i could probably loose 70...)
i will go out and buy myself all new really really cute cloths.
stacey approved.
sweeeet.
so by this time next life time, i should be skinny & cute.
yeah, k...lets see that actually happen.

no test results back yet.
supossivly they'll call monday...tuesday?! who knows...
i dont know, whatever the results the bottom line is i still have to loose weight.
a ton of it.

it hit me as i rode the escalator today in the mall.
i looked my left and thought "HOLY MOLY my stomachs the size of jupiter."
im done with being overweight, sick & just fat.
its not that being heavy makes me unhappy,
i actually think it makes me a lot more down to earth,
but im unhealthy!
type 2 diabetes at age 15?!?!?
type 2 is for overweight 40 year olds!
im not even kidding.

my dads looking into a nutritionist.
kinda to whip my butt in shape.
we'll see how that goes...

fat, alone & happy.

the third just doesnt fit all the time....

diabetes blood test, plans for black friday & making teeshirts

i got my blood taken again to see if i have diabetes, i'll get the results by friday.
i also made a facebook cause so if you have facebook please join!
http://apps.facebook.com/causes/view_cause/36921

i'll be out early on black friday with lauren, rachel and maybe becky.
we're gonna on a TOP SECRET MISSION!
no, seriously we really are.
so we're making teeshirts later today at my house.

oh and if you havent voted for me yet on my singing competition
please do by going here
http://www.feelingthevibe.com/FTVStar.html
and simply clicking my name!! (:

thanks to a new friend

http://www.lifeclinic.com/focus/diabetes/children_type2.asp
i now know im not alone. (if i end up having diabetes...)


she just said the most powerful thing someone has ever said to me, even though she's a stranger...

"and if you do end up having diabetes, it is just to prove that it is another thing that you can handle."