weighing me down...

i hate when my mom brings up weight.
i just dont want to talk about it.
rule 1-never EVER talk about weigh with someone unless they bring it up first
rule 2-if you DO bring up weight, talk about your own.
my mom didnt get the memo.
its obvious i need to loose like 60 pounds.
but i dont feel the constant need to talk about it.
if i eat a cupcake...TOO BAD imma eat the dang cupcake!
i remember when i lost a bunch of weigh, sure i looked great.
but i dont know if i was truly happy.
i was always finding yet another thing wrong with my body.
i HATED feeling so absorbed into the whole weight thing.
whatever i weighed, i could always loose just 10 more pounds or 5 more...
it never ever stopped...well until i went on vaca and came back 15 pounds heavier.
and then i just kept gaining cause of my conditions and my meds and all.
i will loose the weight when im ready.
whenever someone brings it up, it just makes me more mad
and stubborn. its just the way i work.
im not the type of girl who can just stop eating.
im sorry, but my body or my mind cant handle that.
i would like to branch more on that subject, but not on a public post.
maybe i should start a journal.
who knows.

im too young,
im too happy
to be worrying about this stuff.