im jealous & ungrateful

and i cant help it.
no one ever reads this thing, so i dont care that im going to rant like a teenie.
so yesterday i went to see aly & aj.
and i left the show early to get in line for the m&g until i was told by like 5 different people running the thing that it was only keke signing for the public.
aly & aj and drew seeley were private m&gs.
now i dont know if they were right or not.
cuase i saw people with pictures with drew & aly & aj.
but maybe they had passes to get unto the private m&g?!
but i dont know for sure.
and its tearing me up.
because what if those people were wrong!?
its such a stupid and juvinale thing to complain about but i cant help it.

everyone always seems to get more them me.
i know i have NO right to complain but im going to anyway.
i never get into the private m&gs cause i dont have the 'ins'
and i never get front row because i dont have the 'ins'
and it drives me crazy that the same people get it over and over.
and its not like its just with one band.
its with many.

so if anyone has powers to get me backstage at any show it would be much appreciated.

im done being a selfish child.
sorry for that.

weighing me down...

i hate when my mom brings up weight.
i just dont want to talk about it.
rule 1-never EVER talk about weigh with someone unless they bring it up first
rule 2-if you DO bring up weight, talk about your own.
my mom didnt get the memo.
its obvious i need to loose like 60 pounds.
but i dont feel the constant need to talk about it.
if i eat a cupcake...TOO BAD imma eat the dang cupcake!
i remember when i lost a bunch of weigh, sure i looked great.
but i dont know if i was truly happy.
i was always finding yet another thing wrong with my body.
i HATED feeling so absorbed into the whole weight thing.
whatever i weighed, i could always loose just 10 more pounds or 5 more...
it never ever stopped...well until i went on vaca and came back 15 pounds heavier.
and then i just kept gaining cause of my conditions and my meds and all.
i will loose the weight when im ready.
whenever someone brings it up, it just makes me more mad
and stubborn. its just the way i work.
im not the type of girl who can just stop eating.
im sorry, but my body or my mind cant handle that.
i would like to branch more on that subject, but not on a public post.
maybe i should start a journal.
who knows.

im too young,
im too happy
to be worrying about this stuff.

life is like a rollercoaster

sometimes it goes too fast.

and sometimes i just cant write it all down.
things have been really good,
i mean i could literally sit here for the next 3 hours and write every highlight from the last time i wrote, but that would be ridiculous. so i'll just remember the good things in my head....

while my dad yells at me right now.
about college.
helloooooo incase you dont remember COLLEGE IS LIKE 2 YEARS AWAY.
dont fight with me now,
my mind might change by next week.
let me be.
aklsjkfjaksfjakl.



ookay i have to go get ready for the choir concert...
BUM BIDDY BUM.....